I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
