Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
