I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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