You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
