This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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