Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
