You're my little dorito
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize