Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
