Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
