Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
