never play flip cup with pint glasses
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
