You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
