something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
FUCK WHALES
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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