You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
