i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
