loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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