I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Someone shit on the floor
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
