so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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