mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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