rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize