420 ftw
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
