Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
