I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
