If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
