I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
