did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
