Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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