Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
