apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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