if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
