I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
