I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
