Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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