So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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