I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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