he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
