so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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