I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
