I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
