i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
