She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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