My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
