Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
