Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There r osticjed everywhere
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
