who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
