Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize