Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
