He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
