you win again, gameday.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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