she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
