he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
