Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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