just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
