so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize