I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
