I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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