The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
