just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
