Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
