lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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