....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
