watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
