You're a womanizer and a bitch.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
