if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
