I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
