I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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