I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
