I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
