ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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