Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
