I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
