I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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