he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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