Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
