is your mom at the bar?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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