After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize