$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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