You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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