Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
