A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
