ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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