They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
