he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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