Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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