Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
