I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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