His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
