I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
