you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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