dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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