I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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