operation harelip BJ is a go
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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