my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
