if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
