he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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