So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
