he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
