and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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