no, he came in my armpit
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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