the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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