whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize